Keep Calm and Carry On
That’s my mantra ever since becoming a mum.
It’s not easy being a mum. (Like, DUH! ) I mean really, the emotional roller coaster is just slightly overwhelming at times, even a year and a half in. I do admit that I’m a slightly more high-strung mum, therefore I might experience more break downs as compared to other mums out there. But I’m not ashamed to share whatever insecurities I might have as a mum because I’m sure (and I hope) there are others like me out there and you might benefit in knowing that, you’re not alone in this.
edit: I wrote the first incident last week and didn’t get to post it up, so I thought I’d add in a new incident to this post…. since I do need to constantly remind myself of my mantra because of these incidents. 😉
As I’m writing this post, I’ve just dried the tears in my eyes which has streamed down my cheeks because I was suddenly overcome by a sense of guilt for smacking my daughter earlier today. Before you call the police on me, hear me out.
I’ve been trying to potty train my daughter for a while now and she’s been relatively accident free in the day time. I’m refering solely to doing no.1. She’s been doing no.2 in the potty since she was 7 months old. She gets the concept and does well on some days but on other days especially if we’ve gone out and have put a diaper on her, she forgets.
Today, she was just being extra difficult and had peed on the chair, the sofa and the outside garden and what made me loose it in the end was that in all of these instances I have tried to put her on the potty beforehand and she’d throw a tantrum and refused it. Few mins later, the floodgates had opened and I had to clean her up and change her and wipe everything down. I knew I shouldn’t have smacked her, right after the fact that I had, but it was no use. She only wanted her daddy after that.
My husband told me I shouldn’t be so hard on her, she’s still too young perhaps. And it made me feel even worst because I’m disciplining her for something which she might not be able to fully control yet!
I really need to learn to be more patient because the lack of it is what is causing all these frustrations within me. And, wanting things to happen perfectly, although is what I envision raising a child to be like, with a little human, everyday comes with new sets of challenges.
I now can’t wait till morning when she wakes so I can give her a big hug and kiss and say I’m sorry, although I know she’s already forgotten and forgiven me for it. Just have to forgive myself, keep calm and carry on, tomorrow’s a new day.
So my 19 month old has refused to sleep in her cot, screaming her lungs out every time we put her in and tries to climb out of it at odd hours of the night. So now, she sleeps on a mattress on the floor in her own room which is connected to ours. It was all fine and dandy the first week, she slept from around 8:30pm till 7:30am without a peep and I thought ‘Hey! problem solved!!’ If only it was that easy…..for the past two weeks, she’s been waking up again at odd hours in the night, sometimes up to 3 times, and running into our room wanting nothing else but for either one of us to sleep with her on her mattress on the floor and comfort her. I’ve tried to put her in my bed as a last resort, but she found it such a novelty that she refused to sleep. And I’ve tried to sleep with her on the mattress but somehow I just can’t go off to sleep and even if I did it’ll be half an hour here and there, which feels like I didn’t sleep a wink at all.
Today out of tiredness, I lashed out at her again when she refused to nap even though I know she’s tired and just kept crying and crying. The look on her face when I raised my voice at her, broke my heart into pieces. But I told myself for the sake of disciplining, I shouldn’t give in now. And eventually she did nap, but I was shattered that it had to get to the point where she was asking for her ‘Kakak’ (my helper) whom she will only go to as a last resort, and not wanting me. *tears welling up again*
As much as I need a break once in a while, it hurts when she runs away from me after an incident and doesn’t want me to hold or hug her. I knew from the beginning that I have the role of ‘bad cop’ but it’s hard to think that this little human whom you’ve given all your love and effort and sacrificed so much for will shun you for just that – your love. Sometimes I really don’t know if I’m doing it right. I just have to tell myself to keep calm and carry on. I read this recently on Daphne Iking’s Instagram and I really hope Danielle will be able to see this one day when she’s older and understand that whatever I’m doing now is with her best interest at heart (and sometimes, my own sanity too).
On another note however, I really need solutions from experienced mummies out there. Any ideas as to how I can confine her to her mattress on the floor so she can learn to fall asleep by herself again and not run straight into our room the moment she opens her eyes? Or any other suggestions on how I can sleep-train her with her being so vocal and mobile?? Any advice is appreciated.
All I can say to all the struggling mums out there is, yes, you’ve guessed it, keep calm and carry on doing what you’re doing. One day hopefully your adult child will thank you and appreciate you for everything you’ve done for them.