Thursday July 20, 2006

I bumped into ‘someone’ a few days ago at a shoot, he was previously in the UVJ Search but has now gone into the corporate world. Although he was still his funny self, he has lost a bit of spark, he’s grown quite resentful of the industry and made some sarcastic comments which I thought were quite hurtful, especially since I’m still trying to make it in this industry. But after thinking about it for a while, it kinda hit home – So what when you become Belinda Chee, the well known VJ/Talent whatever?? In what way have you contributed to society? How does your job help make you a better person? I have no answers to those questions.

I always thought it’d be much easier for me to start making a change when I get more well-known and have better connections and more ‘moolah’ to actually make a difference, but if someone has the heart to make a change in other people’s lives, they would’ve done it irregardless! I, on the other hand, cannot think of a single time in my entire life when I’ve given myself up whole heartedly to help make a difference in the lives of others. I am selfish. Everything I’ve done thus far is for my own well-being, for my own advancement, for me. And being in this line is not making me any less selfish. In fact I think I’m getting even worst because I’m trying so hard to get ahead in the game. Don’t you think when you need to try very hard for something that maybe it isn’t meant to be yours? Why is it that other people get it so easy?

I’ve thought of giving up. Spoke to a few colleagues about it and found out in actual fact that I haven’t even gotten my foot into it and yet I’m already thinking of pulling out?! It’s only been about half a year since I first hosted on TV, and to some, my current status is already a leap off the starting block, with a constant stream of publicity and jobs. But why does it not feel like an accomplishment to me?? In all honesty, I found myself much happier and more productive as a production assistant back in 8TV than I am now as a TV personality.

Maybe it’s coz I feel like I’m not cut out for this industry. I find it quite hard to click with other people in the field, I always think that people don’t like me for one reason or another, I always feel that when someone praises me, they’re just trying to be nice when in actual fact behind my back they’re bitching about me all the way. I don’t think I have the “star” quality and I get pushed around quite a bit because I’m too agreeable. I don’t know what is right or what is wrong anymore……I feel lost in my current world. And alone.

Alright, I think this is too much words for one entry. I’ll end here for now. Thanks for listening(reading).


0 comments on “Thursday July 20, 2006

  1. ratujim

    dont worry too much abt it. it is a normal phase in life every single person goes through. during the initial stages of working life, people would want to be doing something productive, meaningful regardless of the pay. moving towards a family life, it is the money that counts. couldnt care if we are not contributing to society more importantly is the amount of money coming into the household income. U feel differently now becoz u are still single (carefree life) no responsibilities yet until u start yr own family. different ball game altogether. my sole advise to u is to just enjoy life and enjoy wat u have now.

  2. bellisa

    Bel I hope you’re not developing an unhealthy inferiority complex! You know we think the highest of your potential, and not everyone has to try to get out there and save the world Jolie-style. Laughter and entertainment are of utmost importance, and you’re helping the wheels spin around in that department 🙂

    Thinking of you! xo

  3. Canonnie

    Well, never get lost in what you wanna achieve or what you wanna do, yeah? Whenever you feel lost, just sit back, relax, close your eyes, and sort of “defrag” your brain a bit so that everything comes back in order… People do get lost sometimes, regardless of what their job is… But do believe in your dreams, yeah? Don’t let things or people around you discourage you, although it’s easier said than done… Hohoho…

    As for being selfish, go out and ask anyone and if they say they are not selfish, ask them to go back to MARS… I guess in a way it’s how God designed us… Humans are selfish, let’s face it…

    Huh… Too much babbling… Hang in there, but don’t get hung! 

  4. sptenh

    hmm… sounds like there isn’t much you can do is there?  Sounds like do or get moving along with life.  So sad.  Life is full of much more hope than that.  Life is too simple.  Don’t know if I can relate it to you, but I’m going to try.  Be faithful in doing the best you can in the ‘small’ things that has been placed into your life.  That’s the most important.  It helps bring you to contentment of what you and how you are made.  Then the skies the possibilities cause you then realise that all the ‘small’ things help build you a strong foundation 🙂  Sounds cliche maybe, but it’s practical simple living la if you ask me.  There are a lot of things you can do and connect and I’m sure you being in the industry know what can be done and what can’t, just maybe not time yet.  Nevertheless in that pursue to make this place a better one, make sure you manage it and not let it manage you la ok ? 😉  i.e.  Manage your time and don’t let time manage you around.

    lastly, great that you recognise that this real world is so harsh yet it was created beautifully.  Sometimes hurts and frustrations can make things seem negative, but hey, there is indeed a brighter and positive side to all of it.  It’s your will to choose how you see things and perspective 😉

    okla .. start sounding like a philosophical pastor.. didn’t mean to la.  Have a blessed day ahead.

    [email protected]

  5. su_ling

    well, every job has its ups and downs…n some pple takes time to go up some just need a short time to rise…well, let’s just say, never give up on wat ur doing for a person who gives up is a loser but not the person who doesn’t give up and keep on me, i luk up to u able to host tv shows etc…n for me, dealing with notty students…but no matter wat we do, we gotta be strong and keep going…no matter wat u do, there’ll b bound to have pple gossiping bla bla bla…but sometimes its gud to close one eye and pretend nuthing is happening…;-)

  6. jitpunkia

    from my opinion . a shaky self esteem . something that i have too . n not much confidence . n abit of paranoia . but it all comes down what u feel ur doing is the right thing . during the journey . we often face such troubles along the way . some maybe trivial . some may b huge like a tsunami . but it all depends on the individual on how he/she takes it . anyways . keep at wat ur doing .

    i dun think u should give up . all u need is some bright fellas to cheer u on

  7. vanessa_siewleng

    Hey! you know, I think in life, if we were to always allow what others think about us to affect us, we won’t go very far in life. At the end of the day, the person who is losing out is yourself, instead of those who are bitching about you. I know what you mean about being paranoid about what ppl say behind your back 🙂 But I guess its a free world and ppl have the right to say what they wanna say — but whether it’s the truth or not, that’s only for you to know. As long as you know you’re on the right track, I say… to hell with what others think/say about u! 😛 All the best in your career. Like you said, it has only been 6 months since u started. Give it a li’l more time. I’m sure you’ll be able to be that someone who can make a difference someday 🙂

  8. juzmich

    hey. i want to see more of you in this industry alright ;]]

    dont think too are enjoying everything you’re doing now right :] i wish ive such chance to be in your type of job * but i know i wont . so must cherished and live the fullest of it !

  9. FleUr26

    hey gal, don’t ever give up on something which u love doing ( which i assume u do since u’ve taken a change of jobs just for what you’re doing at the mo). Don’t let words bring you down as long as you can stand for what you believe in-your capabilities and all. Never doubt yourself. I’m someone who aspires to be like you one day, hosting tv shows and involving myself in this whole entertainment industry, and sure I’ve had ppl trying to tell me negative things and all but hey, if you know you’ve got what it takes to do it, then just do it, and don’t give a shit about what other people think. At the end of the day, it’s your choices and decisions and it’s your life. You call the shots. Cheers! =)

  10. blpy

    stop thinking stop thinking stop thinking

    gosh~ i’m always a silent reader but you think too much that all your thoughts make you negative that now i feel compelled to wake you up =)

    you must realise how lucky you are. you must’ve heard this a thousand times or more, but seriously, how many ppl out there wants a chance in the industry like you do. and how many of them actually get it?

    ppl really like you, how can we not?? u’re sweet, ur image is squeky clean, even ur blog is speckless. for someone in the entertainment industry, wat more can one ask for? n i like you as a viewer, n from wat i read about u, no one can possibly hate u for any reason other than u’re too nice.

    you’re pretty, you’re educated, you’ve tonnes of love around you to fall back on. think how many ppl have even one of those.

    and being too agreeable is not wrong. too agreeable not wrong either, just making u lose out sometimes and yea, pushed around. but there’s just no way in the world that after living for so many years and brought up by your wonderful parents u suddenly can’t differentiate right from wrong anymore.

    so bel, let those ppl bitch, and backstab or watever, as long as u’re still holding ur rice bowl, who cares wat THEY think when u shud be thinking wat us, the public are thinking!

  11. annfang

    Oh, ahem, hi…I am not sure what happened but happened to bump into your blog and hey, well, it was a great find. I then couldn’t help but felt like I needed to add my 5 cents worth – being a mum of a 18-month-old toddler as such. Whatever you are doing now, yea the MEDIA, great…you have to ask yourself if you are ENJOYING yourself in your job. Also ask if you are proud when someone asks you what you do. If you say YES to both, then you are not ready to leave no matter what your head says. Your heart is still in it. Also, remember that you shouldn’t care what other people think about you. Seriously, from reading your blog, you care too much about what others say about you. Even when nothing has been said, you assume that’s how people think about you. You already have some sort of pre-conceived expectations on how people should ‘treat’ you if they like you. That is not always true. You have to buck up your self-confidence and say to the world, I don’t give a toss what you think, as long as I know what I am doing is right and good, you can say whatever you like!! Because if you don’t do that, you can’t survive anywhere. Yes, the media industry is very tough – but so are other industries. You wouldn’t believe the backstabbing that happens in a ‘normal’ accounting firm.   

  12. XxSandraWongxX

    Bel..i think u r really great in pls pls pls continue to do this..and i have one comment for u..try not to finish 1 sentence in 1 breath..u look exhausted after that..esp during Blast Off..i didnt really know what u were talking..i was looking at ur ‘out of breath’ look thinking ‘she is so kesian’..sorry for being so harsh..but i really like ur hosting..dont give up ok?i agree with u that ppl might say nice things to u just to make u happy & behind u they might not actually mean it..ppl say i’m negative and i admit it..but u r a host and i’m just a student..u cant afford to think negatively u know?no matter what..we will always always support u..and i think u rock!

  13. cyberred

    funny, I’m feeling the same way too – like maybe I’m not cut-off for writing.. but you just gotta persevere.. if not, why already lose a battle when you haven’t try yea? all the best.

  14. ericteng

    Agreed with some of the above comments! By reading your blog, I found that u care too much about what people actually think of you. It’s understandable, people THINK; especially asian which cares what peoples’ thought. But you can’t control what others say! Different people have different opinion, comments blah blah blah… That’s why all of us love different individual, holds different hobbies etc. I might think Jay Loh is chiq where my friend think she’s a bitch. As long as you are doing what you think is right, and you are happy with what you are doing, then continue doing it. And I would support you as well. My friends and I love your hosting. Keep it up and Dont give up!


  15. kimmik82

    i’m seeing you in mags, newspapers (not my own) and u’re telling me u’re not anywhere yet? oy -_-

    perhaps you’re not where you want to be, but you’ll seldom be there because your head will always be one step ahead, thinking about a ‘better place’.

    just do it as long as you enjoy it, and when the time comes that you feel like you don’t look forward to it anymore, THEN it’s time to switch. this doesn’t mean that your friend who scorns the industry is wrong, just means that he found it too difficult to go through. surely, you, kuching girl who likes seafood and forgets a lot would be able to slap adversity and ask it to keep out of your way?

    right now, you’re only in the ‘beginner’s prime’ level’, too soon to give up yet lah.

  16. Mei_cheah

    Dear gal,

    Not everyday is sunshine. And when you put your mind to something, you should give it your 110%, no matter what others say about you.

    It’s not easy, I’m sure… but life is about what YOU want, and not what others want you to do, and definitely NOT what others tell you to do.

    So, keep your chin up 😀 and fight the battle! You’re never alone. Believe me… you’re not alone. We all feel that way sometimes.

    Hope to see more of you when I get back to KL 😉 Xan’s party wasn’t really counted. tee hee hee..

  17. theunknown97

    Give up? Has it ever came across your mind that you are probably the 10% of people who can actaully reach out to the public and how much influence you have over your’re audience? Why choose to feel selfish when you have the oppourtunity to reach the masses and convey messages of selflessness? Now, imagine if the all 10% of you well known faces (politicians don’t count, as they will always be associated with a certain agenda) were to convey sincere beneficial messages to the public, I’m pretty sure it have an impact. It’s really people like you who have the power to reach out to the masses that can really make a difference, so why gripe about feeling down and all guilty on being selfish when you can be as charitable as one could imagine. Mind you, the only selfish act I see here is yhe very act of endulging in the fact that you’re selfish! (lobby for more community libraries or better tollerance and unity instead).

  18. differ

    A wise elderly friend once told me this –

    I told myself, “Self, you’re only young once. Enjoy all life has to offer” and I tried my best. As a wise man once said, “With no regrets or tears from yesterday” so here we are.

  19. Belvedere100

    bumped into your blog some where today… and i will drop by every now and then.. keep it up…

    as for your current situation, dont feel bad or anything for what you can not control… just be yourself, and be less critical to how others think of you. you will enjoy life better…. remember!! it is only work… you have a great bunch of readers, friends and family around you… so smile!! always..

    take care and have a great day…

  20. nottifish

    It is through our own uniqueness in which we allow how others perceive us to be 🙂 Do you love yourself? If you do then you should also believe that you deserve nothing short of the best. Best = personal preference…. mad props..

  21. ruthless_fulcrum

    I quote a scene from the movie Take The Lead:
    Pierre: Do u love to dance? (when Caitlin wanted to give up dancing because she thought she wasn’t good enough)
    Caitlin: Yeah….
    Pierre: Then u were meant to dance.

    As for making a difference….each of us have been brought through different life experiences, and given different blessings. If truly u wanna make a difference in people’s lives, then u may like to ask yourself, “with what i’ve been given, and what i have, how can i make a positive impact in people’s lives and be a blessing?” It doesn’t have to be in big, everybody-can-see-the-good-you’re-doing ways. Even if u made one life, one soul better, isn’t it a great blessing to that one person already? 🙂 Start small, and slowly build. Making a difference requires time and effort, and sacrifices need to be made in different forms….but i encourage u to do what u can, with what u have or can afford. The returns are truly out of this world, in every sense of the phrase, and i can testify to that. 🙂

    My one cent worth….if u do remember who i am at all 🙂 God bless….


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